When you run a blog of any note, you receive occasional semi-automated pitches for posts that would definitely be on brand…for someone else’s site. Our most recent submission was 7 Benefits of a Good Night’s Sleep. While a valuable topic, in a fit of coincidence, I already had a draft ready to go. Or something.
In these trying times, rest is hard to come by. The seven, eight, ten hours you once spent blissfully dreaming now possessed by desperate worry, staring at the ceiling fearful of what news tomorrow will bring. The unanswered questions of the day before circle like cackling harpies, a private cacophony of doubt and shame that, while it seems to fade during late night Netflix, reemerges with the darkness of your bedroom like a slithering horror.
But the benefits of a solid night of sleep are beyond reproach. Drifting in the dark will refresh your mind, body, and spirit in ways known only in legend. But what are they exactly? Here are a mere seven.
A good night’s sleep brings dreams, and you can dream of better things. You might spend your days beset by nightmares, but in dreams, life can be perfect. Maybe your province elected a government that wants to cut education in favour of buck a beer, for instance. Dream that the people in charge care more about kids, teachers, and the power of an education than they do cracking cheap beers on a Tuesday night.
Speaking of being beset on all sides, the best news about feeling like screaming every waking moment is that it’s only your waking moments. Eight hours of sleep can cut that down to a mere 16 hours a day. With efficiency like that, you’ll be tempted to never leave your bed.
3. A better voice
Saving eight hours of screaming means you’ll lose that gravelly vinyl sound on your voice, too! Remember what you used to sound like before there was a presidency that violated the law so often it’s no longer remotely surprising? After a few days of rest, your honeyed tones will be back in no time.
4. More patience
It’s worn thin, no doubt. Something needs to be done. Anything. But it’s hard to find the right moment when each one seems more desperate than the last. Waiting can be wearying, that’s for sure. A good night’s sleep will refresh you, and help you bide your time. Wait like a cobra, and find your moment to strike.
5. Clearer eyes
That’s right, no more constantly rubbing your eyes to see if this is all really happening. A full night of shuteye will have you seeing more clearly than ever. This is reality. Every day. Sleeping may not make it better, but it’ll have you prepared to face the day.
6. A clearer head
Studies show that millennials spend more money on coffee than anyone is happy with. You might still spend as much, but you’ll wake with a laser focus unsurpassed by the headiest of cold brews. Caffeine may get you moving, but sleep will give you what you need to keep moving. No more midday crashes or constant weariness. Even late into the evening (but not too late!) you’ll have a strong picture of the nightmarish hellscape we’re living in.
7. The strength to stand
Sleep is great. It’s basically miraculous. It will give you the ferocity of a hungry werewolf and the resolve of a mediocre man trying to enter a conversation. Life is tiring, that’s a constant. You’re exhausted. Take some time and rest. You deserve it. Then get up, hit the street, and steal fire from the fucking gods.
Nolite te Bastardes Carborundorum.