NSFW Balloon Animals

For reasons too complex and bizarre to explain in full, I found myself needing to learn the craft of ballooning such that I could create sculptures of genitalia to support a lecture series at a museum.

Such a ludicrous skill should not be kept secret, so I shall share it here. What follows is a not at all safe for work guide to balloon making.

Begin by inflating your balloon, only a very small amount, though.

Next, execute a tulip twist through the entire inflated area.

Et viola! A simple sperm cell.

Here is another view with a transparent balloon so you can see the insides.

Now for something a little more risque, perhaps a lovely phallic wrist ornament?

Start by inflating your balloon by roughly 1/3.

Next, twist about 2″ of the tip of the balloon.

Take the tip of the balloon, and wrap it around the twist made in the previous step.

near the base of the inflated section, form three bulbs, the last one should be as small as possible.

Finally, twist those balls together.

And there you have a lovely phallic bracelet.

If you prefer, you can add some realism by putting one balloon inside another.

And for the uncircumcised.

Finally, let us balance our thus far male dominated post post with something a little more feminine, a vulva sculpture.

First, inflate a balloon almost completely, than let a little air out.

Fold the balloon in half and twist about four inches from the end.

Make a small bulb at the base of the twist.

Pinch-twist that bulb.

Tie the two free ends of the balloon together.

Make another small bulb at the end of the longer of the two arms.

Finally, pinch twist that bulb.

With some creativity and a second color of balloon, you can add a bit of flare, some vagazzle, if you will.