DOWN WITH FAKE NERDS (A rallying cry to real geeks.)
You know what I can’t stand?
You know the kind, sauntering around a convention like they’re hot stuff, soaking in the attention of hormone-addled and social skill-stunted nerds. Letting the nerds fantasize about them, and then snickering behind their backs after they shoot them down.
I know you’re picturing them in your head right now. You can see their smug smiles as they casually take in the worship of the unwashed and undeodoranted masses, and then brush them aside.
These fake nerds are the bane on all of nerddom, the destroyer of the hobby, the interlopers in the sacred temples of geekery.
They. Ruin. Everything.
- Start small: If you see one, give him a nasty look at the very least. You know, after you’re done asking for a picture and sneaking in a grope.
- When you’re comfortable with that, move onto the next level of openly leering at them, asking them if you can buy them a drink and then call them a bitch when they inevitably say no.
- And for the most advanced class (I mean it. This isn’t to be tried by beginners):Go to your local comic book store. Casually browse the new titles until you see a dude wander in (It does happen occasionally. Sometimes they get confused and think they’re walking into the coffeeshop next door. Or they might come in to pick something up for their boyfriend.) As soon as the guy picks something up, wander over, stand a little too close and then quiz him at length about every plotline of the X-Men for the past 20 years, including alternate time lines. If they can’t recite House of M plot points in correct order and accounting for retconning, then they are obviously not real nerds and you should say so and demand they leave the comic shop.