AI: No Good Nosferatu

Twilight has, despite whatever my opinion of its quality may be, become part of our popular culture. It is huge. It is inescapable.

There is something missing from all of those posters of the slightly drowsy looking stars, though: A hunter. All of the great vampire stories have someone that steps up to end the evil that is the Nosferatu. Helsing, Buffy, Blade, Alucard, Seth Gecko, D… We have a surplus of slayers, which should be chosen to take on the sparkly ones?

Who is the best vampire hunter ever? Who should be killing the Cullens?


Ryan is a professional nerd, teaching engineering in the frozen north. Somewhat less professionally, he is a costumer, author, blacksmith, juggler, gamer, serial enthusiast, and supporter of the Oxford comma. He can be found on twitter and instagram @studentofwhim. If you like what I do here, feel free to leave a tip in my tipjar.

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  1. I’m actually gonna vote for Prof. Setrakian from “The Strain” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Strain) I really liked the first book (haven’t yet read the other 2); they really tried to delve into a way some sort of biological parasite could mimic “vampiric” traits.

  2. Uh, which Alucard are you referring to? Castlevania, Hellsing, aren’t there like a dozen characters named Alucard?

    You also need to specify whether you mean “the best character who slays vampires” or “the best professional vampire slayer”. Because Lina Inverse (Slayers) kicks all kind of ass, but she only slayed a vampire once, and that was kind of an accident. The same goes for Dr. McNinja, although it was on purpose, and he slayed two if you count a robot vampire.

    On the other hand, if it has to be a professional vampire slayer, I would have to say Alucard from the Hellsing series. If you watched the end of the original, you would know why. He is…let’s say somewhat of an unusual vampire hunter. At the very least it is nice to see a vampire or part-vampire vampire slayer who doesn’t hate himself/herself.

  3. @theblackcat, I am very much on board with your appreciation for that particular Alucard. He’s something fantastic, though I’d take also take Victoria or Walter any day.

  4. I’m going to have to go with Buffy here. The reason I hate Twilight is its reinforcement of negative gender roles.


    Whedon’s initial impulse for Buffy was a vision of the classic horror trope where the helpless little girl goes down the dark ally and meets a monster. Except in his world the girl is by far the most dangerous thing in that alley.

    Buffy FTW because not only does she kill vampires, but she kills the misogynist crap inherent in the Twilight mythos.

  5. @ Ryan: of course, that was not meant to knock Victoria or Walter, both are well above most other vampire hunters (especially in the new OVAs).

    Although Victoria still has serious issues with what she is (not that it is surprising given her circumstances, I am just sick and tired of it). However, unlike most she does at least make a serious effort to come to terms with it. Generally they just act all angsty all the time.

  6. I’m with coelcanth here in terms of who *should* be killing the Cullens. For their crimes against feminism, it is entirely appropriate that they be taken out by that most iconic of female Slayers.

    Also, in terms of sheer body count, I think you’d have trouble finding a Slayer as deadly as Buffy. By the end of the series, mere vampires are a walk in the park for her. The Cullens wouldn’t stand a chance, which is just the way it should be.

  7. Buffy! Buffybuffybuffy! Buffy!

    “Wow. Been a long while since I met one who didn’t know me. … You should get home.”

    “How’d you do that?”

    “It’s what I do.”

    “You’re just a girl.”

    “That’s what I keep saying.”

  8. I gotta go with Blade here. Wesley Snipes issues aside, Blade (in books, comics and film) is one bad-ass destroyer of vampires. He is the no nonsense, get-shit-done Orkin Man of vampire hunters.

    That said, I’m kinda with geekgirl on Abraham Setrakian. He’s pretty bad-as too, for an old man.

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