Pretzel Roll: The Musical

In which we have far too much time on our hands on a road trip, and get a series of songs about food out of it.
Variations On the CONvergence Theme: How Do We Get There?
Two Days in a Car with Canadians
Starring: Ryan Consell and Jim Tigwell
Also Appearing: me!
Special Guest: Ashley Hamer

I barely know where to begin this story. Because there’s so much context that happened before what this post is actually about…and I love context.

So let me explain.

No, there is too much. Let me sum up.

So, a bunch of us Labbers go to CONvergence just outside Minneapolis each year, some traveling further than others. As I am conveniently located approximately halfway between Ryan and Jim’s point of origin and the convention, they crashed with me partway through their drive and hauled me along for the rest of the way.

What a long, strange trip it's been

Answering the thematic question, “…And How Do We Get There?”

As advertised, it was rather like being in the back seat of a travelling improv show. Much joke, many riff, wow. A fantastic time was had at CONvergence, but there are other posts for that. Stay on topic.

On the trip back, I got a message from some friends at home in Chicago that I’d be hosting our 4h of July festivities. Hooray! Food and friends and fun and frothy beverages. Most excellent.

My back porch was a place of deliciousness.

I feel like it should be noted that both Ryan and Jim are vegetarian.

Though the three of us still traversing Wisconsin had noted the rather large numbers of American flags hanging from construction cranes along our route, the level of concern for our American holiday had been decidedly Canadian up until this point. However, the guys know a good time when they hear about it, and my in-flight entertainment immediately adapted to the new theme.


Yep, this pair of Canadian vegetarians seemed to be actually considering hanging out in the States for a carnivorous feast on my back porch with random strangers on the 4th of July.

Fast-forward manymany hours (and songs and turtle-voices) later, you may be disappointed to know that video had yet to be taken. But, after arriving safely in Chicago, we met Ashley for sammiches and beers at Jerry’s. (Which you should TOTALLY go to if you’re ever in town.)

On the walk back,I maaaaaaay have encouraged more pretzel-roll singing. (Not that that was difficult.) And I maaaaaay have made an inquiry about the instruments that might be available at Ashley’s. (Answer: many.) And I maaaaaaay have noted that she has an adorable mini-cat. (Bonus!)

There’s a guitar, you say? And a keyboard that plays organ, among its many capabilities? And oh, you’re sure your neighbors won’t mind? SOLD.

There were some napkin-scribblings, because of COURSE things were written on napkins. A few minutes of tuning and some practice-runs later…

And yes, all of that was quite entertaining… we certainly were entertained, anyway. MAL-brain: ’tis a silly place.


Later the next day, after the guys had gone, Twitter pinged me.

Hiding in the trees of a rest area somewhere in Michigan, THEY’D KEPT GOING.

I also received a reassuring report from Timmie’s:

Now that they’d actually eaten a pretzel roll, they sent this one from on the road:

And finally, this tantalizing fragment:

And that’s unfortunately all that currently exists of Pretzel Roll: The Musical. Consider it a promo, or a pilot, and campaign the creators for the full show! Become a collaborator by suggesting new songs or verses below! Share and enjoy! #fans4pretzelroll!

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Beth Voigt

Beth Voigt

Beth is a graphic designer in Chicago, a superhero in her own mind, and absolutely nothing on TV. She wrangles fonts professionally, pummels code amateurishly, and has been known to shove fire in her face for fun. Fond of volunteering, late-night bursts of productivity, and making snacks, she dislikes grocery shopping and public transit and is still on her first smartphone. Her opinion is that you should try everything twice; if you don't like it, you were probably doing it wrong the first time around.


  1. July 8, 2016 at 12:16 pm

    I love you guys! MOAR PRETZELS

  2. July 8, 2016 at 7:05 pm

    This is the most fantastic thing. The most. Best thing on the internets this week!

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