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NSFW Balloon Animals

For reasons too complex and bizarre to explain in full, I found myself needing to learn the craft of ballooning such that I could create sculptures of genitalia to support a lecture series at a museum.

Such a ludicrous skill should not be kept secret, so I shall share it here. What follows is a not at all safe for work guide to balloon making.



Sperm
Let’s start with something tame, a spermatozoa:

Begin by inflating your balloon, only a very small amount, though.

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Next, execute a tulip twist through the entire inflated area.

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Et viola! A simple sperm cell.

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Here is another view with a transparent balloon so you can see the insides.

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Balloon Penis

Now for something a little more risque, perhaps a lovely phallic wrist ornament?

Start by inflating your balloon by roughly 1/3.
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Next, twist about 2″ of the tip of the balloon.

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Take the tip of the balloon, and wrap it around the twist made in the previous step.
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near the base of the inflated section, form three bulbs, the last one should be as small as possible.

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Finally, twist those balls together.

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And there you have a lovely phallic bracelet.
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If you prefer, you can add some realism by putting one balloon inside another.
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And for the uncircumcised.
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Vulva

Finally, let us balance our thus far male dominated post post with something a little more feminine, a vulva sculpture.

First, inflate a balloon almost completely, than let a little air out.
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Fold the balloon in half and twist about four inches from the end.
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Make a small bulb at the base of the twist.
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Pinch-twist that bulb.
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Tie the two free ends of the balloon together.
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Make another small bulb at the end of the longer of the two arms.
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Finally, pinch twist that bulb.
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With some creativity and a second color of balloon, you can add a bit of flare, some vagazzle, if you will.
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Ryan

Ryan

Ryan Consell is a skeptical artist, tap-dancing armorer, juggling scientist, rock-climbing writer, sword-fighting math teacher, uni-cycling gamer, fire-spinning academic and devout nerd. He has a Masters in Applied science, most of a bachelors in Fine Arts, and a very short attention span. He is the author of How Not to Poach a Unicorn and half of the masochistic comedy duo that is Creative Dissonance. Follow him on Twitter @StudentofWhim

2 Comments

  1. April 12, 2014 at 10:25 am

    FINALLY, you all do a post about MY chosen artistic field!

  2. April 15, 2014 at 2:25 pm

    Let it be said that we are not above pandering to our demographic 😛

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