Uncategorized

AI: No Good Nosferatu

Twilight has, despite whatever my opinion of its quality may be, become part of our popular culture. It is huge. It is inescapable.

There is something missing from all of those posters of the slightly drowsy looking stars, though: A hunter. All of the great vampire stories have someone that steps up to end the evil that is the Nosferatu. Helsing, Buffy, Blade, Alucard, Seth Gecko, D… We have a surplus of slayers, which should be chosen to take on the sparkly ones?

Who is the best vampire hunter ever? Who should be killing the Cullens?

Previous post

Lab Track: I Don't Believe in Christmas

Next post

Gays in the Military (and In Your Speakers)

Ryan

Ryan

Ryan Consell is a skeptical artist, tap-dancing armorer, juggling scientist, rock-climbing writer, sword-fighting math teacher, uni-cycling gamer, fire-spinning academic and devout nerd. He has a Masters in Applied science, most of a bachelors in Fine Arts, and a very short attention span. He is the author of How Not to Poach a Unicorn and half of the masochistic comedy duo that is Creative Dissonance. Follow him on Twitter @StudentofWhim

9 Comments

  1. December 12, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    I’m actually gonna vote for Prof. Setrakian from “The Strain” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Strain) I really liked the first book (haven’t yet read the other 2); they really tried to delve into a way some sort of biological parasite could mimic “vampiric” traits.

  2. December 12, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    From what I can tell of the quality of the T-light stuff, the greatest slayer of all, Time, will do the trick.

  3. December 12, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    Uh, which Alucard are you referring to? Castlevania, Hellsing, aren’t there like a dozen characters named Alucard?

    You also need to specify whether you mean “the best character who slays vampires” or “the best professional vampire slayer”. Because Lina Inverse (Slayers) kicks all kind of ass, but she only slayed a vampire once, and that was kind of an accident. The same goes for Dr. McNinja, although it was on purpose, and he slayed two if you count a robot vampire.

    On the other hand, if it has to be a professional vampire slayer, I would have to say Alucard from the Hellsing series. If you watched the end of the original, you would know why. He is…let’s say somewhat of an unusual vampire hunter. At the very least it is nice to see a vampire or part-vampire vampire slayer who doesn’t hate himself/herself.

  4. December 12, 2011 at 10:52 pm

    @theblackcat, I am very much on board with your appreciation for that particular Alucard. He’s something fantastic, though I’d take also take Victoria or Walter any day.

  5. December 13, 2011 at 1:45 am

    I’m going to have to go with Buffy here. The reason I hate Twilight is its reinforcement of negative gender roles.

    http://www.wired.com/underwire/2009/11/twilight-lessons-girls-learn/

    Whedon’s initial impulse for Buffy was a vision of the classic horror trope where the helpless little girl goes down the dark ally and meets a monster. Except in his world the girl is by far the most dangerous thing in that alley.

    Buffy FTW because not only does she kill vampires, but she kills the misogynist crap inherent in the Twilight mythos.

  6. December 13, 2011 at 5:12 am

    @ Ryan: of course, that was not meant to knock Victoria or Walter, both are well above most other vampire hunters (especially in the new OVAs).

    Although Victoria still has serious issues with what she is (not that it is surprising given her circumstances, I am just sick and tired of it). However, unlike most she does at least make a serious effort to come to terms with it. Generally they just act all angsty all the time.

  7. December 13, 2011 at 9:21 am

    I’m with coelcanth here in terms of who *should* be killing the Cullens. For their crimes against feminism, it is entirely appropriate that they be taken out by that most iconic of female Slayers.

    Also, in terms of sheer body count, I think you’d have trouble finding a Slayer as deadly as Buffy. By the end of the series, mere vampires are a walk in the park for her. The Cullens wouldn’t stand a chance, which is just the way it should be.

  8. December 13, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    Buffy! Buffybuffybuffy! Buffy!

    “Wow. Been a long while since I met one who didn’t know me. … You should get home.”

    “How’d you do that?”

    “It’s what I do.”

    “You’re just a girl.”

    “That’s what I keep saying.”

  9. December 14, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    I gotta go with Blade here. Wesley Snipes issues aside, Blade (in books, comics and film) is one bad-ass destroyer of vampires. He is the no nonsense, get-shit-done Orkin Man of vampire hunters.

    That said, I’m kinda with geekgirl on Abraham Setrakian. He’s pretty bad-as too, for an old man.

Leave a reply